so, have you ever wondered why everything in life seems so much more awesome when you're in the shower? yeah, okay, call me crazy for saying that, but hey! i mean, everyone can sing in the shower, right? and by that i mean everyone's actually somewhat talented in the shower, i'm not sure how that's possible but it happens, whether or not they sing outside of the shower. not saying everyone's pitch perfect, but for some reason a source of happiness is belting out a song under the water. also, i'm sure everyone can agree that the BEST ideas originate while we're in the shower. yet something strange always happens when later on, we forget what ideas or thoughts we had realized in the shower! for example: the idea i originally had for this blog. it was quite impressive, something i could go on and on about. i experienced it just this morning, and i considered writing it down, but unfortunately i didn't and so i forgot. so, i have decided to improvise with an idea that's been on my mind tonight, and in a general sense for a while. hopefully it doesn't put me down too much.
can you agree that there's a sense of accomplishment, or joy in making others happy? (i mean, if you really don't you can stop reading now and/or disagree with all of the content i'm about to say, but if you do agree at least somewhat, please read on.) unfortunately, as much as making others happy is almost a necessity in my life, like i always say, too much of a good thing is not always a good thing. i'm not one to lose self control and overindulge, no matter how hard circumstances may get. i think i've reached the point where i'm losing myself in the process of trying to make several other people happier. and i still want them to be happier than i am, always, i couldn't stand to see it any other way. but, this insane need to make sure they're happy is most certainly making me go against what morals i have built in all my years. i know my limits, but do i only know them because i keep pushing them forward? i'm not one to tolerate nonsense, or in more common terms bullshit. ask anyone who knows me even in the slightest, i'm stubborn and i get mad when i feel i should. which is why it's so hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that i'm permanently keeping my mouth closed shut when it comes to the actions i'm making. but i honestly only make them to get the satisfaction of making several others happy, even though that's not a legitimate enough excuse, i'm sure.
i wish there was more i could say, more that i could explain so that i could bring you to a better understanding, but i can't. hopefully, on my own, i'll find a reasonable medium. and as far as i'm concerned, i will. time tells all, my friend. too bad my impatience will almost surely drive me insane.
ps.
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY COREY ALEXANDER RIZZI-WISEEEE! i want you to know how freaking amazing you are, and how insanely lucky i am to have such a charismatic, loving, considerate, hilarious, and downright BAMF best friend such as yourself! i hope your day is full of smiles, laughs, and a whole lotta wonderful :) you deserve it probably more than anyone else i know. as i am writing this, i can see your profile picture, and it makes me happy corey! hahaha i've never seen so much badass in one picture, my friend. corey, we go way back (kind of). all the way back in 7th grade when i sat behind you and made fun of you for talking to yourself and stuck pencils through your mini-fro. you've been there for me through the fun times, the sad times, the weird times, and the DOWNRIGHT awkward times, and you always know what to say! the best thing about you is that you know how weird, stupid, creepy, annoying, and moody i am, and you still love me all the same :) you gots to be the greatest, dear, and i hope your 16th year is one to remember! (even though you can't drive til you're like 21... hahah suckaaaa!)
I LOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUU COREYYY!<3333333333333
yo bffaeaeaeaeaeaeaeaeaeae,
desiree varsha srinivas (:
goodnight world!
5/9/10
5/5/10
Cinco de Mayo ayayayayayyy!
Hah, hope everyone's having a great cinco de mayooo!
have you ever noticed mayo looks like mayo? as in mayonnaise? ahhaaa :)
which reminds me, i miss kiersten kelly.
dearly!
well, today's entry is going to be quite short, and ever so pointless because desiree needs to study for her europe map test!
i'll enter a much deeper entry tomorrow, promise(:
MUCHHH LOVE<3
have you ever noticed mayo looks like mayo? as in mayonnaise? ahhaaa :)
which reminds me, i miss kiersten kelly.
dearly!
well, today's entry is going to be quite short, and ever so pointless because desiree needs to study for her europe map test!
i'll enter a much deeper entry tomorrow, promise(:
MUCHHH LOVE<3
5/2/10
Hmph:(
I'm going insane!
so if for some miraculous reason you two are reading this, please take the following to heart:
Dear You,
"there are certain people you just keep coming back to..."
and you are surely one of them. what i keep finding myself oblivious to is the fact that you are not taking me for what i'm worth. you're only picking and choosing what you want from me, and god knows that's one of the worst things you can do. if you truly care about me, you wouldn't be doing this, but for some strange reason i'm hoping you're being this way because you feel the same way i do; you just can't let go. and if that's true, you have to understand that not a day goes by that i don't replay moments in my mind and imagine how things could be if they weren't as effed up as they are now. not a day goes by where i don't wonder if you decide to pursue one of the many girls who go gaga over you every single day. i know i was never good enough to keep you around, but i never imagined you would slap me in the face with that by doing nothing at all. you're still perfect in my mind, and i can't seem to manage without you. the promises i made are still promised on my part, even if it won't be on your part. i just wish you would understand the hell i'm going through right now for you. if you only knew that i would go through it over and over again for you, and that you knew how much i can't stand life without you. sure, i'm 16. but i know a good thing when i see it. i love you. i will always love you. i hope one day you find yourself, and then you find your way back to me.
Dear (other) You,
if there's one thing i'm certain of, it's that i don't deserve your friendship, love, and consideration at all. you may feel guilty for leaving me, but i'm the one who should feel guilty right now. you're exactly what i've always imagined i would want; funny, sweet, adorable, compassionate, adventurous, interested in the things i am, comforting, genuine. so what on earth is holding me back? you're all of that and more. if i didn't feel so limited, things would be so different. i forgive you for everything you could have possibly done, and i almost feel as if i owe everything to you. you give me a sense of security that i can't replace, and i'd be even more of a mess without you. i like being around you. the feeling in get when i'm with you, and we're out doing things makes me happy. you just simply make me happy. i could go on for hours on all of the things you do that keep me going, but words could never do you justice. the more you amaze me, the harder it is for me to continue on the way i am. i'm sorry for all of the things i put you through. and i wish things were easier, i really do. you deserve the world. i'll love you for as long as i live, and you know that.
so if for some miraculous reason you two are reading this, please take the following to heart:
Dear You,
"there are certain people you just keep coming back to..."
and you are surely one of them. what i keep finding myself oblivious to is the fact that you are not taking me for what i'm worth. you're only picking and choosing what you want from me, and god knows that's one of the worst things you can do. if you truly care about me, you wouldn't be doing this, but for some strange reason i'm hoping you're being this way because you feel the same way i do; you just can't let go. and if that's true, you have to understand that not a day goes by that i don't replay moments in my mind and imagine how things could be if they weren't as effed up as they are now. not a day goes by where i don't wonder if you decide to pursue one of the many girls who go gaga over you every single day. i know i was never good enough to keep you around, but i never imagined you would slap me in the face with that by doing nothing at all. you're still perfect in my mind, and i can't seem to manage without you. the promises i made are still promised on my part, even if it won't be on your part. i just wish you would understand the hell i'm going through right now for you. if you only knew that i would go through it over and over again for you, and that you knew how much i can't stand life without you. sure, i'm 16. but i know a good thing when i see it. i love you. i will always love you. i hope one day you find yourself, and then you find your way back to me.
Dear (other) You,
if there's one thing i'm certain of, it's that i don't deserve your friendship, love, and consideration at all. you may feel guilty for leaving me, but i'm the one who should feel guilty right now. you're exactly what i've always imagined i would want; funny, sweet, adorable, compassionate, adventurous, interested in the things i am, comforting, genuine. so what on earth is holding me back? you're all of that and more. if i didn't feel so limited, things would be so different. i forgive you for everything you could have possibly done, and i almost feel as if i owe everything to you. you give me a sense of security that i can't replace, and i'd be even more of a mess without you. i like being around you. the feeling in get when i'm with you, and we're out doing things makes me happy. you just simply make me happy. i could go on for hours on all of the things you do that keep me going, but words could never do you justice. the more you amaze me, the harder it is for me to continue on the way i am. i'm sorry for all of the things i put you through. and i wish things were easier, i really do. you deserve the world. i'll love you for as long as i live, and you know that.
5/1/10
Okay.
i really really really really wish that things weren't taken at such face value.
one thing i enjoy doing, is helping out; making someone's day, giving someone a good impression of my personality if they don't know who i am, or even just saying something that makes someone smile for 4 seconds out of their stressful 24 hour day. it's just what i do. not for show, not so i can brag about it later, but just.. because.
i kind of wish people would take those kinds of things to heart.
when i reach my hand out to people, i want them to know i'm not a sympathy giver, because i know how useless sympathy can be when things are going wrong. i'm honestly offering my attention and my ear to anyone who's feelin' lonely, or anyone who experienced something tragic. and i'm not some half-assed advice giver who pretends to care and give advice that would work for nearly any situation; when i ask to help, i genuinely care, and when i genuinely care, i give something everything i possibly can.
but you see, the sad thing is, some people are going to read this and think "oh, she's just being cliche like everyone else, and says these foolish things she hardly means for attention."
wrong.
i don't mind if this post changes your perception of me. i don't mind if it almost makes you dislike me more, because you may believe the words i'm claiming to be honesty are false. but if this post in fact makes you more open to the idea of talking to at least someone (whether it be me or not) about your issues, than i would genuinely admire you, and appreciate you for at least attempting to take what i'm saying to heart. god knows it's the worst possible thing to bottle your troubles up. but all i'm hoping you understand is that i'm here. i'm someone who's willing to listen and support you through the rambling, and the venting, and the times in life when you don't make any sense, and the tears, and the confusion, and all of the stuff most people can't allow themselves to care enough to handle. i've learned in life to give what you want to receive. (like my wonderful indian man ghandi says "be the change you want to see in the world.") and my man is so right! if i want people to reach out a hand to help comfort me, or try make me happy when i'm a mess, than of course that means that i'll do that for others. without a gosh darn doubt in my mind.
so, anyone who wants to talk? just send out a message, comment, text, post, phone call, or even catch me in person. one of the great joys i get out of life is gaining the opportunity to help. doesn't matter how well you know me, or if you even like me that much; i'll try do everything i can to help.
one thing i enjoy doing, is helping out; making someone's day, giving someone a good impression of my personality if they don't know who i am, or even just saying something that makes someone smile for 4 seconds out of their stressful 24 hour day. it's just what i do. not for show, not so i can brag about it later, but just.. because.
i kind of wish people would take those kinds of things to heart.
when i reach my hand out to people, i want them to know i'm not a sympathy giver, because i know how useless sympathy can be when things are going wrong. i'm honestly offering my attention and my ear to anyone who's feelin' lonely, or anyone who experienced something tragic. and i'm not some half-assed advice giver who pretends to care and give advice that would work for nearly any situation; when i ask to help, i genuinely care, and when i genuinely care, i give something everything i possibly can.
but you see, the sad thing is, some people are going to read this and think "oh, she's just being cliche like everyone else, and says these foolish things she hardly means for attention."
wrong.
i don't mind if this post changes your perception of me. i don't mind if it almost makes you dislike me more, because you may believe the words i'm claiming to be honesty are false. but if this post in fact makes you more open to the idea of talking to at least someone (whether it be me or not) about your issues, than i would genuinely admire you, and appreciate you for at least attempting to take what i'm saying to heart. god knows it's the worst possible thing to bottle your troubles up. but all i'm hoping you understand is that i'm here. i'm someone who's willing to listen and support you through the rambling, and the venting, and the times in life when you don't make any sense, and the tears, and the confusion, and all of the stuff most people can't allow themselves to care enough to handle. i've learned in life to give what you want to receive. (like my wonderful indian man ghandi says "be the change you want to see in the world.") and my man is so right! if i want people to reach out a hand to help comfort me, or try make me happy when i'm a mess, than of course that means that i'll do that for others. without a gosh darn doubt in my mind.
so, anyone who wants to talk? just send out a message, comment, text, post, phone call, or even catch me in person. one of the great joys i get out of life is gaining the opportunity to help. doesn't matter how well you know me, or if you even like me that much; i'll try do everything i can to help.
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