You know, looking back, I can't believe how patient I could have been leading up to some of the most influential and important events in my life. I am probably thee most impatient person you will EVER meet, yet, in the long run I'm quite the opposite.
I waited 15 years to finally involve myself in a relationship.
I will currently be waiting 16 years to drive.
I waited on countless boys who lead me to believe they were worth waiting for.
I waited for a year to end up getting my macbook back in '07 (which is now currently crashed, contributing to the awesomely tragic week i've had)
I waited 15 years to actually get my first kiss.
And much much much more.
Waiting is one thing that has driven me up a wall to the point where I break down. Most of the time I'm able to shake it off, or laugh about it, but lately I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen... I just can't figure out what that something is yet.
I'm so happy right now. SO happy. I have an awesome boyfriend, I've learned to make peace where I know I should. But this week has been dreadful. Fights left and right, bad luck to the extreme. Honestly, my mom has had to give me some of her anxiety pills she got from the hospital for her surgery just to calm me down. I don't know what's wrong with me. But thank goodness there are only 3 days left until break. Only then will I actually have time to relax.
9/29/09
9/21/09
Whadda Lovely Day.
My mom's finally home from the hospital after her surgery, and all the minor troubles I've had today have awesomely been relieved!
I apologize for my awesomely unawesome lack of entries this month. I guess I can still stick to the excuse that I'm out there livin' my life!
You know what makes today better? I can finally listen to I'm Yours without even thinking about you, which is quite a nice feeling. But you know, I do miss talking to you about life sometimes.
I'm currently listening to Amanda's myspace playlist, eating chips and salsa, loving life. I wish every day could be this simply nice. I like simple things. Like sunsets, or taking long walks, or even just lounging around talking to Dylan all day. Some things just make it easier to get through the day sometimes, you know? And a little smile from someone can make all the difference from me sometimes.
I can't believe I'm saying all of this on a Monday. I must be right on the path of going insane, huh? :)
Good night, guys.
I apologize for my awesomely unawesome lack of entries this month. I guess I can still stick to the excuse that I'm out there livin' my life!
You know what makes today better? I can finally listen to I'm Yours without even thinking about you, which is quite a nice feeling. But you know, I do miss talking to you about life sometimes.
I'm currently listening to Amanda's myspace playlist, eating chips and salsa, loving life. I wish every day could be this simply nice. I like simple things. Like sunsets, or taking long walks, or even just lounging around talking to Dylan all day. Some things just make it easier to get through the day sometimes, you know? And a little smile from someone can make all the difference from me sometimes.
I can't believe I'm saying all of this on a Monday. I must be right on the path of going insane, huh? :)
Good night, guys.
9/8/09
things that make me happy!
-spending time with my ladies
-renting movies
-sleeping in
-weekends
-dylan john henderson<3
-football games
-going out
-orange juice
-playing acoustic guitar
-making videos
-sheela!
-swimming
-mint chocolate chip ice cream
-writing
-the beach
-dylan's dogs
-holding hands
-saturday afternoons
-sunsets
-listening to music
-good hair days
-forehead kisses
-"homework dates" with tyler
-banana chocolate milkshakes
-big hugs
-my french teacher
-sweatshirts
-bingsoo
-jason mraz
-having corey and sebastian over
-old ford trucks
-allnighters
-gum
-my soul sister, rini sampath!
-road trips
-curling my hair
-early mornings
-new friends
-orangutangs,
-making up words
-funny pictures
-long walks
-last minute plans
-$$$
-catch phrase
-driving
-my macbook
-longboards
-home videos
-make up
-talking on the phone
-indie films
-going to the railroad
-playing halo with joel
-taking naps
-positive people
-singing along to the radio
-dressing up
-11:11
-inside jokes
-smiles
-adventures
-photo booths
-learning something new
-love
-renting movies
-sleeping in
-weekends
-dylan john henderson<3
-football games
-going out
-orange juice
-playing acoustic guitar
-making videos
-sheela!
-swimming
-mint chocolate chip ice cream
-writing
-the beach
-dylan's dogs
-holding hands
-saturday afternoons
-sunsets
-listening to music
-good hair days
-forehead kisses
-"homework dates" with tyler
-banana chocolate milkshakes
-big hugs
-my french teacher
-sweatshirts
-bingsoo
-jason mraz
-having corey and sebastian over
-old ford trucks
-allnighters
-gum
-my soul sister, rini sampath!
-road trips
-curling my hair
-early mornings
-new friends
-orangutangs,
-making up words
-funny pictures
-long walks
-last minute plans
-$$$
-catch phrase
-driving
-my macbook
-longboards
-home videos
-make up
-talking on the phone
-indie films
-going to the railroad
-playing halo with joel
-taking naps
-positive people
-singing along to the radio
-dressing up
-11:11
-inside jokes
-smiles
-adventures
-photo booths
-learning something new
-love
9/3/09
If only.
If only I could tell you how nice it was to just be around him. To hold his hand, to feel him wrap his arms around me. To sit next to him in the thunder, and the pouring rain on the ride home in the bed of a dusty pick up truck. To make fun of things I just love about him. To overreact about everything around him. To mess around with his hair, or laugh at weird things he says. To freeze my ass off in the pouring rain, yet feel him wrap his arms around me as tight as possible. To just look back, and kiss him in the rain. To know that all the more I just stare into his eyes, the more I feel comforted, and the more I feel worth something.
If only I could even come close to telling you how amazing this night was. Maybe then you'd understand how much I'm glad I have someone like him to stick around. He makes me happy. It may not mean anything to you, but that's okay. Because it means everything to me. He means everything to me.
August 15th, 2009 ♥
If only I could even come close to telling you how amazing this night was. Maybe then you'd understand how much I'm glad I have someone like him to stick around. He makes me happy. It may not mean anything to you, but that's okay. Because it means everything to me. He means everything to me.
August 15th, 2009 ♥
9/2/09
Today was a Reminiscing Day.
Happy Birthday Grandpa Darrell. I can't believe you would have been 71 today. Rest in peace, grandpa. I love you.
9/1/09
Mind vs. Heart.
The other day, while I just nonchalantly decided to fill out a survey on Myspace, I came across a question that kind of interested me.
Is it more common for you to follow your heart or your mind?
This kind of thing has always stumped me. For the longest time I had a heart full of love, but whether or not it was good enough, my mind was what I constantly took after. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing; following your mind intertwines with the ideas of self-respect, common sense, and being confident in knowing what you really deserve. But with all good, comes the bad. Thinking solely with my mind about relationships caused me, personally, to have doubt every which way I turned. It made me loose some of the greatest influences and individuals in my life. I couldn't get over the fact that I knew perfection in a significant other wasn't humanly possible, but that I'd always think there was something more out there for me, or that there was more I had to learn before I could convince myself that genuine people weren't putting on some sort of an act. I've come to characterize people who think with their mind as the kinds of people who can be genuinely happy single, though they long for a "perfect," functional, all around amazing relationship (aka. hopeless romantics-like me!). However, while following your heart and following your mind seem worlds apart, people who fall under either category seem to still generally want the same thing.
Now on the other hand, thinking with your heart has it's ups and downs as well. I have several friends who consistently throw themselves into useless relationships with guys or girls who'd pass them a compliment or two just to get their attention. Ladies, coming from a girl who KNOWS: don't let the sweet talk fool you. Don't commit yourself to a guy (or in dudes' cases, a girl) unless you're completely sure they can put action to their words, and that they mean what they say. If you know that they're the kind of kid who'll go off saying those kinds of things to any girl (or guy) with a pretty face, than chances are it's a waste of time. However, thinking with your heart can actually equally offer you much happiness. Most people with a big heart, and a lot of love they want to give are the ones who find themselves thinking with their hearts. While being this way is similar to taking a stab in the dark, it still doesn't make it impossible for someone to find the person they've been searching for their whole lives. Thinking with your heart keeps you on edge, it makes your life about 1000 times more interesting day to day. I somewhat characterize people who think with their heart as those who feel they need to be in a relationship to be happy. And while jumping in and out of relationships, they manage to still want the same things that anyone, whether thinking with their heart or mind, wants.
I spent so many years sifling through all of the mess that comes with "crushing" on someone/"liking" somone/"loving" someone. Finally, after all this time, I found someone worth waiting for. After all the boys who screwed me over, and all of the guys who took back what they said, I found the one who wouldn't dare do either of those things. I started to think with my mind, as well as my heart, and for once in a long time they both came to a reasonable agreement. And by allowing myself to just dive right in to a real relationship for the first time in my life, I remembered what it was like to just live again. I've grown up in fear of how I project myself towards other people, and slowly but surely I'm unwinding myself from that habit, and the more I do, the happier I've found myself becoming. This is really what it's like to think with my mind, and my heart. I've come to realize what it takes to make things feel perfect, which because I fall into the first category, makes me as happy as I think I'll ever be.
So, that was just a little side note on how freakin' elaborate my train of thoughts can get! I hope it made sense to anyone reading it, by the way. While trying to keep up with this blog, school work, and my life, things get a little hectic. I'm thinking it's time for me to relax a little bit today, so, I'm off.
Is it more common for you to follow your heart or your mind?
This kind of thing has always stumped me. For the longest time I had a heart full of love, but whether or not it was good enough, my mind was what I constantly took after. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing; following your mind intertwines with the ideas of self-respect, common sense, and being confident in knowing what you really deserve. But with all good, comes the bad. Thinking solely with my mind about relationships caused me, personally, to have doubt every which way I turned. It made me loose some of the greatest influences and individuals in my life. I couldn't get over the fact that I knew perfection in a significant other wasn't humanly possible, but that I'd always think there was something more out there for me, or that there was more I had to learn before I could convince myself that genuine people weren't putting on some sort of an act. I've come to characterize people who think with their mind as the kinds of people who can be genuinely happy single, though they long for a "perfect," functional, all around amazing relationship (aka. hopeless romantics-like me!). However, while following your heart and following your mind seem worlds apart, people who fall under either category seem to still generally want the same thing.
Now on the other hand, thinking with your heart has it's ups and downs as well. I have several friends who consistently throw themselves into useless relationships with guys or girls who'd pass them a compliment or two just to get their attention. Ladies, coming from a girl who KNOWS: don't let the sweet talk fool you. Don't commit yourself to a guy (or in dudes' cases, a girl) unless you're completely sure they can put action to their words, and that they mean what they say. If you know that they're the kind of kid who'll go off saying those kinds of things to any girl (or guy) with a pretty face, than chances are it's a waste of time. However, thinking with your heart can actually equally offer you much happiness. Most people with a big heart, and a lot of love they want to give are the ones who find themselves thinking with their hearts. While being this way is similar to taking a stab in the dark, it still doesn't make it impossible for someone to find the person they've been searching for their whole lives. Thinking with your heart keeps you on edge, it makes your life about 1000 times more interesting day to day. I somewhat characterize people who think with their heart as those who feel they need to be in a relationship to be happy. And while jumping in and out of relationships, they manage to still want the same things that anyone, whether thinking with their heart or mind, wants.
I spent so many years sifling through all of the mess that comes with "crushing" on someone/"liking" somone/"loving" someone. Finally, after all this time, I found someone worth waiting for. After all the boys who screwed me over, and all of the guys who took back what they said, I found the one who wouldn't dare do either of those things. I started to think with my mind, as well as my heart, and for once in a long time they both came to a reasonable agreement. And by allowing myself to just dive right in to a real relationship for the first time in my life, I remembered what it was like to just live again. I've grown up in fear of how I project myself towards other people, and slowly but surely I'm unwinding myself from that habit, and the more I do, the happier I've found myself becoming. This is really what it's like to think with my mind, and my heart. I've come to realize what it takes to make things feel perfect, which because I fall into the first category, makes me as happy as I think I'll ever be.
So, that was just a little side note on how freakin' elaborate my train of thoughts can get! I hope it made sense to anyone reading it, by the way. While trying to keep up with this blog, school work, and my life, things get a little hectic. I'm thinking it's time for me to relax a little bit today, so, I'm off.
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