at this point, i really could care less if you think i'm the most vain human being on the face of this planet, especially due to the fact that you're far from perfect as well, so suck it.
i'm sick and tired of being thrown under a microscope every waking moment of my life to please people who DON'T EVEN MATTER.
it's not gonna make my life any better to know that any of you just might not hate me for god knows what reason.
i've WASTED all this time trying to make up for a mistake I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE, and try regain a reputation I DIDN'T EVEN TARNISH with you people who live and BREATHE judgments of others every waking moment of your dreary lives!
i've taken pride in the idea that i will NEVER take advice or truly listen to a hypocrite; which is why you can all assume the worst of me as much as you want, call me a liar, selfish, idiotic, "not worthy", a drag, WHATEVER your little hearts desire!
but at the end of the day, that's not gonna change how I feel, or how HE feels. sorry.
there is only ONE person's opinion that matters, and he LOVES me because he KNOWS what i'm about, while on the outside, all of you feed off of rumors and assumptions because that's all you ever use to survive. i'm a decent person, ask anyone who actually takes the time to meet someone new and actually gave me a chance, and LEARN FROM THEM, instead of putting every face on this earth on either your pretty little love or bash list.
so go ahead; hate me all you please. i've tried with all my strengths and energies to get you all to accept me, but i'm beginning to accept the fact that it is humany impossible, because you've already set in stone whatever it is you plan on portraying me as. feel free, please, to accuse me of things i've never done, nor will ever do, and assume that one measely time i get upset overpowers and outshines the 40583485297634975394754279 other times i PROVED how good of a girlfriend and an overall friend/PERSON i am.
i tried for far, far too long to get "you people" to like me, because i knew how important it was to gain back that trust, respect, and admiration i so long (for some god awful reason) wanted.
but what's the use of having the respect of people who currently are not even worth respecting?
you know, i used to see the world's potential in all of you. what happened?
let's make a deal: i let you live your life, and you stay the HELL out of mine.
sound good? cool.
2/17/11
reminder.
caution: this blog is by not any means a requirement to read, and if by chance it is offensive, bothersome, annoying, awkward, confusing, or anything of the sort, the best cure to this is to NOT read it.
i'm sorry if a blog about MY thoughts and MY theories is too much about ME.
venting is a sensible, natural thing. GET OVER IT.
no, i don't think the world revolves around me.
nor do i think you're very good at making your assumptions so discrete.
sorry for the offense, but this is between two people.
that's why no names are involved. nor do i even really care who reads this,
it's for myself. all i really wanted was for one person to read it, so they'd understand.
ironic.
i'm sorry if a blog about MY thoughts and MY theories is too much about ME.
venting is a sensible, natural thing. GET OVER IT.
no, i don't think the world revolves around me.
nor do i think you're very good at making your assumptions so discrete.
sorry for the offense, but this is between two people.
that's why no names are involved. nor do i even really care who reads this,
it's for myself. all i really wanted was for one person to read it, so they'd understand.
ironic.
yeah, of course it's okay.
it's not like after such a long, grueling day of school and work, i even really wanted to see you.
oh, and not to mention i got yelled at by my manager, and basically every other waiter because we were so busy--and don't think the thought of seeing you bringing my hopes up meant anything during that time.
OH! and it's okay, because it's not like i wasn't even scheduled to work in the first place, therefore, i did everything humanly possible to make sure i'd see you.
it's okay, no worries, because it's not like i even told the other hostesses my plan, and spent at least 10 minutes mapping it out so i'd have time for you, and they'd have a number to call just in case anything went wrong.
oh, and don't even let it bother you that i had something planned all for you, and that i even sounded relatively upset on the phone--clearly, this is the BEST THING that's happened to me ALL DAY.
it's not like i spent the entire time talking about you, and how much i missed you, and how excited i was to see you or anything... yeah, that'd be stupid of me huh?
and don't even worry about how i practically gave up hours so i could see you, AND not to mention how insanely impossible it is for us to see eachother right now anyways, EVEN THOUGH regardless of that you ditch me for your friends and tell me it's MY fault i can't see you--yeah, no big deal.
because of course, no matter what, the LAST thing i want after such a horrible day is see you. that'd be silly.
oh, and not to mention i got yelled at by my manager, and basically every other waiter because we were so busy--and don't think the thought of seeing you bringing my hopes up meant anything during that time.
OH! and it's okay, because it's not like i wasn't even scheduled to work in the first place, therefore, i did everything humanly possible to make sure i'd see you.
it's okay, no worries, because it's not like i even told the other hostesses my plan, and spent at least 10 minutes mapping it out so i'd have time for you, and they'd have a number to call just in case anything went wrong.
oh, and don't even let it bother you that i had something planned all for you, and that i even sounded relatively upset on the phone--clearly, this is the BEST THING that's happened to me ALL DAY.
it's not like i spent the entire time talking about you, and how much i missed you, and how excited i was to see you or anything... yeah, that'd be stupid of me huh?
and don't even worry about how i practically gave up hours so i could see you, AND not to mention how insanely impossible it is for us to see eachother right now anyways, EVEN THOUGH regardless of that you ditch me for your friends and tell me it's MY fault i can't see you--yeah, no big deal.
because of course, no matter what, the LAST thing i want after such a horrible day is see you. that'd be silly.
2/16/11
i'll gladly admit it.
"funny thing is, is that i still hold on to the fact that one day, i'm gonna find a boy brave enough to love me more than i'll love him, which will still be more than i can imagine... and because he's brave enough to do that, i'd give him and that relationship everything i could. but silly, make-believe stuff like that isn't real. unless, that is, something or someone out there can prove it."
you've opened up an entirely new world for me, and i couldn't imagine spending my days with anyone else. you take care of me, play gears with me, go on dates with me, go hiking with me, do homework with me, go on adventures with me, visit me at work, make fun of me, let me make fun of you, write me letters, listen to music and go to concerts with me, laugh with me, and love me for everything i am and everything i'm not... truly.
for once in my life, i've been proven wrong... and it's never made me more happy <3
you've opened up an entirely new world for me, and i couldn't imagine spending my days with anyone else. you take care of me, play gears with me, go on dates with me, go hiking with me, do homework with me, go on adventures with me, visit me at work, make fun of me, let me make fun of you, write me letters, listen to music and go to concerts with me, laugh with me, and love me for everything i am and everything i'm not... truly.
for once in my life, i've been proven wrong... and it's never made me more happy <3
2/14/11
you. are. LOVED.
no matter what you think, what you say, what you assume, or how you feel,
no matter how boring your days are, or how lonely your nights get,
or how envious you may become of others, or how much self-pity you wallow in each day,
whether your amount of doubt could fill five and a half oceans, or your feelings of emptiness could reach across the deepest of valleys,
no matter how much your mom told you how special you are,
and how clever you've become at thorougly tuning her out,
regardless of how hard it is to follow good ol' 'sticks and stones'
or how many times someone told you they loved you, then took it back,
no matter how many times you didn't have a valentine,
or how many more times you know you won't,
regardless of how much you wanna be someone's baby,
or how long you've desired falling in love all over again, or even for the very first time,
no matter how many mountains you'd climb, or perilous adventures you'd embark,
for a single moment where you can make loneliness a distant memory of the past,
no matter how much you resist, it's true.
you're loved. and until the day you die, you always will be.
the end.
no matter how boring your days are, or how lonely your nights get,
or how envious you may become of others, or how much self-pity you wallow in each day,
whether your amount of doubt could fill five and a half oceans, or your feelings of emptiness could reach across the deepest of valleys,
no matter how much your mom told you how special you are,
and how clever you've become at thorougly tuning her out,
regardless of how hard it is to follow good ol' 'sticks and stones'
or how many times someone told you they loved you, then took it back,
no matter how many times you didn't have a valentine,
or how many more times you know you won't,
regardless of how much you wanna be someone's baby,
or how long you've desired falling in love all over again, or even for the very first time,
no matter how many mountains you'd climb, or perilous adventures you'd embark,
for a single moment where you can make loneliness a distant memory of the past,
no matter how much you resist, it's true.
you're loved. and until the day you die, you always will be.
the end.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)