Hi everyone.
I'm really just, I don't know, whatever today.
I was in a lot of pain today because of my incredibly stupid pneumonia, so, that could be why.
How are you?
I don't feel like talking about myself at all right now, hahah.
I always say the same things every day, just in a new way.
I need to wait and write about things that are actually exciting in my life.
Cause in all honesty? I'm such a loser. Haha.
GAHHH.
What I would give to have made certain choices sooner.
Mkay, well, bye for now errrbody.
4/30/09
4/29/09
I see your face in my mind as I drive away.
'cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people and sometimes we change our minds,
but it's killing me to see you go after all this time.
mmm,mmm,mmm.
mmm,mmm,mmm.
music starts playing like the end of a sad movie,
it's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see.
'cause its tragedy and it'll only bring you down.
now, i don't know what to be without you around.
and we know it's never simple, never easy.
never a clean break, no one here to save me,
you're the only thing i know, like the back of my hand.
and i can't breathe without you, but i have to,
breathe without you, but i have to.
never wanted this, never want to see you hurt.
every little bump in the road i try to swerve.
people are people and sometimes it doesn't work out.
but nothing we say is gonna save us from the fallout.
and we know it's never simple, never easy.
never a clean break, no one here to save me.
you're the only thing i know, like the back of my hand.
and i can't breathe without you, but i have to,
breathe without you, but i have to.
it's 2am, feeling like i just lost a friend.
hope you know its not easy, easy for me.
it's 2am, feeling like i just lost a friend,
hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me.
and we know its never simple, never easy.
never a clean break, no one here to save me.
ohhh.
i can't breathe without you, but i have to,
breathe without you, but i have to,
breathe without you, but i have to.
im sorry, i'm sorry. i'm sorry, i'm sorry.
i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
People are people and sometimes we change our minds,
but it's killing me to see you go after all this time.
mmm,mmm,mmm.
mmm,mmm,mmm.
music starts playing like the end of a sad movie,
it's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see.
'cause its tragedy and it'll only bring you down.
now, i don't know what to be without you around.
and we know it's never simple, never easy.
never a clean break, no one here to save me,
you're the only thing i know, like the back of my hand.
and i can't breathe without you, but i have to,
breathe without you, but i have to.
never wanted this, never want to see you hurt.
every little bump in the road i try to swerve.
people are people and sometimes it doesn't work out.
but nothing we say is gonna save us from the fallout.
and we know it's never simple, never easy.
never a clean break, no one here to save me.
you're the only thing i know, like the back of my hand.
and i can't breathe without you, but i have to,
breathe without you, but i have to.
it's 2am, feeling like i just lost a friend.
hope you know its not easy, easy for me.
it's 2am, feeling like i just lost a friend,
hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me.
and we know its never simple, never easy.
never a clean break, no one here to save me.
ohhh.
i can't breathe without you, but i have to,
breathe without you, but i have to,
breathe without you, but i have to.
im sorry, i'm sorry. i'm sorry, i'm sorry.
i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
4/28/09
Everyone Misses Someone.
And today, I've missed someone terribly.
But, that's besides the point. So, things are kind of alright lately, I'm not sure I know exactly what to feel, but it's all good.
I'm cramming my mind with too many thoughts about people, and issues, and things that are bothering me.
I feel like I'm too routined. It's even annoying to find myself doing the same old thing the same old way everyday. Blahhhh.
Oh, and I've been thinking; I never knew someone could be so incredibly, for a lack of a better word, stupid. I am sooo glad I know these kinds of things now, because some people are just flat out jokes. It makes me laugh how much my opinion for you has changed, and how much respect I've lost for you.
Though, on a happier note, I'm feeling better after being sick as heck, and all is calm in life for now.
But, maybe calm isn't what I want?
I don't know...
How's about we rewind my life back about 5 and 1/2 months and just stay there forever?
Yeah, I wish.
But, that's besides the point. So, things are kind of alright lately, I'm not sure I know exactly what to feel, but it's all good.
I'm cramming my mind with too many thoughts about people, and issues, and things that are bothering me.
I feel like I'm too routined. It's even annoying to find myself doing the same old thing the same old way everyday. Blahhhh.
Oh, and I've been thinking; I never knew someone could be so incredibly, for a lack of a better word, stupid. I am sooo glad I know these kinds of things now, because some people are just flat out jokes. It makes me laugh how much my opinion for you has changed, and how much respect I've lost for you.
Though, on a happier note, I'm feeling better after being sick as heck, and all is calm in life for now.
But, maybe calm isn't what I want?
I don't know...
How's about we rewind my life back about 5 and 1/2 months and just stay there forever?
Yeah, I wish.
4/27/09
Blah, blah, blah.
Is it just me or do the days seem longer, and.. less exciting? Things that used to make me so happy, or help me get through the days just... don't seem to do the job anymore. I am so ready for change, ready for something new to come along. I'm blessed beyond belief for what I've got, but... something seems to be missing. Something always seems to be missing.
It's funny how I try so hard, but I'm never entirely satisfied, or happy. Why do I have high expectations? Why build myself up for the let down? It's quite something to think about. But who knows, i've always been that way. I just want a getaway, a night or two that I can remember for years to come with someone (or some few) that I love oh so dearly. It's driving me insane how much I want/need... something!
People aren't who they used to be, things aren't the way they should be, and I.. well, I'm still a little out of place, I'm guessing.
I'm going to take some time to sort out what it is exactly I'm going to do before I go completely insane.
It's funny how I try so hard, but I'm never entirely satisfied, or happy. Why do I have high expectations? Why build myself up for the let down? It's quite something to think about. But who knows, i've always been that way. I just want a getaway, a night or two that I can remember for years to come with someone (or some few) that I love oh so dearly. It's driving me insane how much I want/need... something!
People aren't who they used to be, things aren't the way they should be, and I.. well, I'm still a little out of place, I'm guessing.
I'm going to take some time to sort out what it is exactly I'm going to do before I go completely insane.
4/23/09
Hey, Stranger.
Hello there.
I can honestly say I don't know what strange force is driving me to decide to pick up this whole blogging thing again, but whatever it is, I think I'm going to follow through with it. Yeah, this has got to be the third time I've attempted to keep up a steady blog, and I've been told I'm horrible at keeping up with it several times. But oh well, let's see if things'll change.
So, in case you don't already know me well enough, I'm Desiree. I'm fifteen, and I'm probably unlike any other person you will ever meet. (and trust me, I'm not just saying that.) I believe I have very contradictory traits, but I guess that's just who I am. I can be strong, but weak. Funny, but serious. Smart, but stupid. Immature, but I act older than I am most of the time. I don't make enemies, and I hate absolutely no one. About 8 times out of 10 I'll come off as a very happy girl, whether I really am happy or not. I joke around a lot, but when anyone needs help I try do everything humanly possible to make everything alright. I am definitely happy with who I am. there's no doubt about it. Mentally, I've grown to learn more than enough life lessons, and my character is based off of what I know is right, and what I believe in. Emotionally, I know I can be a better person, but the fact that I'm still learning is what makes me, me. Physically, I may seem like I care too much about how I look, but I'm definitely happy exactly the way I look, no matter what. My likes generally involve music, friends, and nature. The simple things in life seem to always have more value than material things.
I strive on keeping good people in my life, and unforgettable people close to my heart. I've lost friends, gained friends, been lied to by friends, and have been inspired by friends as well. But I've realized that no matter the case, things happen for a reason. When they say "you find who your true friends are in high school," it's actually true. I have no idea what kind of slump I would be in if I didn't have my best friends that I have now, in my life for as long as they have been. I'd just like to take any chance I can get to thank them for being in my life, and never leaving my side.
I've recently realized I usually have very high tolerance for people I genuinely care for, but low tolerance for people who don't deserve to be tolerated. Almost always, I say what's on my mind, no matter how stupid I look, and no matter what the end result may be. It's just been the kind of person I am, and I kind of like it, at times. Yes, it gets me in my fair share of fights or arguments, but if that's what it takes to allow myself to be heard, then so be it.
I'm single, in case that effects anyones life in any way, which odds are, it doesn't. No, I've never been in a relationship before, but no, I'm not exactly looking for a few reasons. I've had "things" far too many times, but something always goes wrong, and I still can't help but blame myself for those mishaps. I'm EXTREMELY sentimental, beyond belief, and that isn't the greatest thing to be when you're nearly forced to get over certain people you imagined never living without. But, I do it... usually. It's hard, and it's not really fair, but like I said, things happen for a reason, and I only wait for people I have a gut feeling will come around in the end. Call me pathetic, stupid, or even tell me that I deserve better. But "the heart wants what the heart wants."
Life, currently, is not at it's best. My family is facing a harsh time, I feel like I'm distancing away from people I thought I never could distance from, and shitty things keep happening. It's almost like there's nothing to do, so I usually keep my mouth shut, but deep down I'm about ready to explode, I'm just so... I don't even know; FULL of mixed emotions I can't even control, and I hate it. Anxious, scared, happy, sad, angry, lonely, immature, sick, hopeful, confused...
I just hope and pray almost every day that something or someone can come along and help me feel alright. And for now, that's all I can and will do. I know things will be alright in the end. And if things aren't alright, then I know it's not the end.
So, basically, that's my life currently in a nutshell. There's a lot more that I'm just a little too lazy to write out, but hopefully if I can keep this up, you'll be able to figure it out sooner or later. Thanks for reading if you haven't gotten too bored yet. I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say and a load of entries to express it all.
I can honestly say I don't know what strange force is driving me to decide to pick up this whole blogging thing again, but whatever it is, I think I'm going to follow through with it. Yeah, this has got to be the third time I've attempted to keep up a steady blog, and I've been told I'm horrible at keeping up with it several times. But oh well, let's see if things'll change.
So, in case you don't already know me well enough, I'm Desiree. I'm fifteen, and I'm probably unlike any other person you will ever meet. (and trust me, I'm not just saying that.) I believe I have very contradictory traits, but I guess that's just who I am. I can be strong, but weak. Funny, but serious. Smart, but stupid. Immature, but I act older than I am most of the time. I don't make enemies, and I hate absolutely no one. About 8 times out of 10 I'll come off as a very happy girl, whether I really am happy or not. I joke around a lot, but when anyone needs help I try do everything humanly possible to make everything alright. I am definitely happy with who I am. there's no doubt about it. Mentally, I've grown to learn more than enough life lessons, and my character is based off of what I know is right, and what I believe in. Emotionally, I know I can be a better person, but the fact that I'm still learning is what makes me, me. Physically, I may seem like I care too much about how I look, but I'm definitely happy exactly the way I look, no matter what. My likes generally involve music, friends, and nature. The simple things in life seem to always have more value than material things.
I strive on keeping good people in my life, and unforgettable people close to my heart. I've lost friends, gained friends, been lied to by friends, and have been inspired by friends as well. But I've realized that no matter the case, things happen for a reason. When they say "you find who your true friends are in high school," it's actually true. I have no idea what kind of slump I would be in if I didn't have my best friends that I have now, in my life for as long as they have been. I'd just like to take any chance I can get to thank them for being in my life, and never leaving my side.
I've recently realized I usually have very high tolerance for people I genuinely care for, but low tolerance for people who don't deserve to be tolerated. Almost always, I say what's on my mind, no matter how stupid I look, and no matter what the end result may be. It's just been the kind of person I am, and I kind of like it, at times. Yes, it gets me in my fair share of fights or arguments, but if that's what it takes to allow myself to be heard, then so be it.
I'm single, in case that effects anyones life in any way, which odds are, it doesn't. No, I've never been in a relationship before, but no, I'm not exactly looking for a few reasons. I've had "things" far too many times, but something always goes wrong, and I still can't help but blame myself for those mishaps. I'm EXTREMELY sentimental, beyond belief, and that isn't the greatest thing to be when you're nearly forced to get over certain people you imagined never living without. But, I do it... usually. It's hard, and it's not really fair, but like I said, things happen for a reason, and I only wait for people I have a gut feeling will come around in the end. Call me pathetic, stupid, or even tell me that I deserve better. But "the heart wants what the heart wants."
Life, currently, is not at it's best. My family is facing a harsh time, I feel like I'm distancing away from people I thought I never could distance from, and shitty things keep happening. It's almost like there's nothing to do, so I usually keep my mouth shut, but deep down I'm about ready to explode, I'm just so... I don't even know; FULL of mixed emotions I can't even control, and I hate it. Anxious, scared, happy, sad, angry, lonely, immature, sick, hopeful, confused...
I just hope and pray almost every day that something or someone can come along and help me feel alright. And for now, that's all I can and will do. I know things will be alright in the end. And if things aren't alright, then I know it's not the end.
So, basically, that's my life currently in a nutshell. There's a lot more that I'm just a little too lazy to write out, but hopefully if I can keep this up, you'll be able to figure it out sooner or later. Thanks for reading if you haven't gotten too bored yet. I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say and a load of entries to express it all.
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