i feel happy for a new reason today.
i remember all the way back to my big switch from elementary- jr. high, and my even more intense jr. high- high school switch, and both of those times i genuinely worried that i wouldn't make new friends because i hadn't wanted to. i'm the kind of girl who usually sticks to what she knows, however i've grown more open to change and new things because i'm aware it's apart of life and it's natural.
my first switch from elementary to jr. high was so incredibly hard for me. i've moved a lot in my past, sure, but even though i only spent 5th grade and 6th grade in AZ, i still got so attached to friends i was afraid of losing. my best of friends back then were kylee nelson, sydney weinberger, raquel espinoza, tyler creamer, jennifer strand, jacob avila, and hallie grothaus. (and partially erik ziraldo, but not really). We all promised we'd stay close forever back in 6th grade, because we were being split up between bogle and santan. look at us now? completely spread across the board, in an astonishing 4 years. kylee's into cheerleading, tyler's into football, jennifer's intensely into music, hallie's more into fashion, syd's got new friends, and so does raquel. me, well, i'm not sure where i stand, but i know it's much more different than what they all have been into. but, looking back, it's okay. i'm proud to say that for the past 4 years we all (almost) have yet to fail showing up to the basha elementary carnival every. single. march. it makes me happy knowing that no matter how hectic our lives we get, we always have time to reminisce. later in jr. high i found myself surrounded by so many new faces, yet i molded myself in quite nicely and have grown bonds still strong to this day. i was afraid of being alone when it was the last thing i could have been at santan. i made so many friends, best friends, and 8th grade was one of the greatest years of my academic life.
my switch from jr. high to high school was inevitably harder than i ever thought possible. either kids were going to perry, hamilton, or basha. it was a hard transitioning process, to our very first year in high school without each other, and the summer prior to freshman year one of my best friends moved away to louisiana. she currently molded herself in perfectly there, by the way. moving away is harder than just transitioning schools, obviously, but i guess when i was younger i always managed to put myself out there and i was happily surrounded by the best of friends throughout my entire life. in my friend's case, i think her body was in arizona but her heart was awaiting her in louisiana the entire time.
oh wow, hamilton had to have been one of the most intimidating places i had ever been in, to be honest, whether it's the intense amount of people, or the school in general. at santan, i was a big fish in a little pond, happy, and believing that i didn't need change, and not wanting it one bit. i truly can remember feeling as if i couldn't imagine starting over again, as a little fish in an even bigger pond with nothing to keep me stable at all whatsoever. my three best friends weren't even going to my high school, and i had the pressure of how i was gonna feel, or how i was gonna act and portray myself, or who the hell i was even gonna be for the next 4 years of my life. it's a lot to handle, you know. why do you think teenagers are so moody? just take a real look into the mind of one and you'd understand we have the rest of our lives to think about, not to mention the remainder of our high school careers.
within one year, one amazing year of bond building and making a fresh new start in my life freshman year, i can't help but thank the educational system. it allowed me to break free from my comfort zone; meet new people, try new things, get close with people i would have never imagined befriending in my entire life. it gave me a real reality check and allowed me to find out who i should be and what my values are. i've learned more in and out of school in the past year and a half than i could have ever imagined. the unexpected outcomes of life leave me awe-struck sometimes.
so far, in my sophomore year, i find myself fitting comfortably at hamilton, and i feel like i belong so much. i know who i am now, i truly do, and i know what kind of people i want in my life, and i love the one's currently in my life unconditionally for making my days so much brighter. i love being able to walk down the halls and greet the majority of the people who pass by. i love being able to be close enough with my friends from hamilton to have all sorts of conversations with them, or hang out with them doing who knows what. i love the probability of being able to go anywhere around chandler and seeing someone i know and someone i can say hey to, or talk to. i love it all. i love the comfortability factor, it just makes me so happy. it makes high school about 100 times easier on occasion, i'll tell you that right now. friends are everything to me. whether i briefly know you, or you're one of my best friends, i can honestly say you've already done sooo much for me, without even trying. so many people i know tell me all the time how much they hate hamilton, or how they can't wait to get out. aside from the grueling early hours and loads of homework, i wouldn't trade the life i have right now involving school for anything else.
college is another huge step i've yet to take, and i'm going to embrace the amazing things and people i have in high school now, before it's too late. i'm sure i sound like a loser for writing a whole blog about how desperately i need and cherish friendship, but i guess it was just something to think about, and something i don't regret rambling on about.
and you know, honestly? i cannot even wait to walk onto and down that stage in front of a huge audience filled with a mixture of my peers, their siblings, and their overly excited parents. a diploma in one hand, a smile on my face, a sense of maturity, and an unknown sensation in my mind and heart knowing i'm going to be a part of the greatest graduating class i could have ever asked for; 2012.
10/27/09
10/24/09
Why!
Why on earth did I sign up for health online! Hahah, all because I wanted to take newspaper, french 2, AND aphg. i'm stupid. newspaper is nottt even worth it. seldom few in that class aren't complete nazis and it's too much pressure for one girl juggling a hell of a lot of more important things.
Aside from my restless eyes and longer than expected breaks from reading the oh so entertaining health lessons, I'm doing alright. Things are still going really great, in case you were wondering, and I'd like to let you know how accomplished I feeel :)
I'M TURNING 16 SOON! Crazy isn't it? Well, in about 35 days actually, but still! By this time next year, I'll almost be SEVENTEEN. I can't believe it.
This entries gonna be a shawty cause I have so much more work to do, and I can't wait to go back to sleep. Haha, goodnight world. Sleep tight!
Aside from my restless eyes and longer than expected breaks from reading the oh so entertaining health lessons, I'm doing alright. Things are still going really great, in case you were wondering, and I'd like to let you know how accomplished I feeel :)
I'M TURNING 16 SOON! Crazy isn't it? Well, in about 35 days actually, but still! By this time next year, I'll almost be SEVENTEEN. I can't believe it.
This entries gonna be a shawty cause I have so much more work to do, and I can't wait to go back to sleep. Haha, goodnight world. Sleep tight!
10/13/09
If You Apply, You'll Probably Find Yourself On Here.
Soooooo, Desiree's been thinking again! You know looking back, I've noticed that a lot of guys I've ever had feelings for in my past have helped shape me into the person I am today. Even though I'm currently in my very first relationship, I've learned enough from every single kid I've almost dated since 5th grade that help me know what to look for, know what to avoid, and know what will ultimately make me the happiest in the end.
1. Oh wow. When I liked you, it was the first time I'd ever experienced having raw emotion for a boy, and I sure never expected it to be you. It all happened, ironically, because I was helping you with your relationship with someone else. To this day, knowing how incredibly different the paths we both ended up choosing were, I understand now why you never thought we should have dated, even though you claimed you liked me so much. But, just because I understand doesn't make it right. I can't tell you how much it disappointed me that you had honest feelings for me, but wouldn't date me because we ran in two different circles. Looking back it probably appeared that you just played me out, but you taught me not to throw a perfectly good relationship away just for the sake of reputation.
2. I cannot even believe how cliche everything was for us back then. I remember you were the weirdest kid in my grade, and no one ever really liked you. Oh, and how you liked me so much, even if it was, mostly, for all the wrong reasons. I actually strangely found myself somewhat attracted to you too. Oh wow, though, on the last day of 5th grade, a letter I had wrote for you telling you how I felt accidentally got into your hands, and it went downhill from there. You ended up finding my address, and coming to my house every single day that summer. I guess being so young and naive was the reason I lost feelings for you soon after 5th grade was over. These days, you haven't changed much, except for the fact that you're low respect for any girl has surprisingly increased. However, you taught me how to find respect in myself, and not to be afraid to use it.
3. Whatever we almost had, seems really vague and unclear to me. It didn't last too long, but that doesn't mean I didn't like you. It still makes me laugh to this day how awkward the conversation we had was, when you attempted to ask me to the very first school dance. It's even funnier due to the fact that I still feel bad for how it all went down. I guess looking back, it was almost as if it was a little stepping stone, but thank you for making that effort. You taught me that I didn't have to fall head over heels for someone, to still feel nervous around them beyond belief.
4. You were quite the character. It was all a coincidence that you and I would even talk, and I remember very well that you tried using me at the dance to get with some of my friends. By the end of the night, they all LOVED you (which was completely unexpected), and you ended up asking one of my best friends out, even though that whole deal didn't last long. You were my best friend then, dude. We had too much in common, and when everyone else liked you, I would never admit it because I felt like it wasn't worth it. As strange as it seems, I later found out you liked me just as much as I liked you then, and that whole time we spent talking, or laughing, we never had the guts to tell each other. I guess after a while I forced myself to move on, and it was only then that I found out. I'm sorry nothing ever happened, but you meant a lot to me, and at the time, you just got me. You taught me how to be honest about my feelings, because I might later regret it, for the possibilities in life are endless.
5. Ohhhh boy. You were the very first boy I'd ever had "something" with for so long. I had known you for too, too long, but never even imagined how much of a sweetheart you could be. As I recall, what we had lasted about 8 months, and it was something that I'll never forget to this day. I was completely, and insanely head over heels for you. I guess I was horrible at showing it, and at the time, I was terrified of commitment, but, you understood. You waited and waited, because you knew, and you truly cared about me, not just being with me. I remember all of those times you tried flattering me, or when we went ice skating and all I did was fall on my ass over and over again. You really lifted me up for those 8 months. You were my best friend, and you always made sure that our friendship came before our so-called relationship. I know things ended up horrible, I said things I didn't mean, and you said things I still hope you didn't mean, but I'm really glad that today we're at peace. You meant a lot to me, and I'm glad that everything is okay. You taught me how a real relationship should be, and how amazing it feels to care about someone so much, because I loved every minute of it, I hope you know.
6. I never ever would have thought I'd come across a boy like you so quickly. It was the first day of summer, and the weeks that followed it were consumed with you, you, and you. Whether it was concerts, walking to your house, chilling in front of Albertson's, getting kicked out of the mall; you had me hooked, and you constantly made me smile without even trying. Something a lot of people don't know is that you asked me out that day on the phone, but said it didn't count until the next time I saw you, because you thought it wasn't right to ask over the phone. I just took it so seriously because I knew either way you wanted to be with me. That was probably one of the happiest weeks of my life, ask anyone. Even though I didn't see you, I thought about you constantly. Now, it killed me to find that 1 week later you broke it off, and it killed me even more that it was over text. But, what killed me the most was that it was because you never got over someone else, and I was just put in the place to get ripped to pieces. As sad as it sounds, I didn't even see you since the day before we "went out" until sometime recently this year. But, I think it was really nice of you to randomly send me messages apologizing for your poor choices. You taught me not to be afraid to say yes to a relationship for the first time, but to never rush into new things like this until I was entirely ready, which neither of us were.
7. Ahaha, all I really need to say is one word; church camp. I remember you, and I remember the week we shared just hanging out. The first thing you said to me the first night we were there during a scavenger hunt at night time was "hey, do you think i'm hot?" hahaha you we're a sweetheart. I'm sorry still for that whole huge miscommunication with that one backstabbing friend I thought I had at camp, and I'm glad we've talked a little bit since camp. Still haven't seen you since, it's been at least a year and a half now. I hope you're doing good. It'd be nice to see you again, I miss hanging out with you. You definitely made my week one to remember, from you falling on your ass at the skatepark, to you just wanting to hangout with me for no reason at all. You taught me that it's alright to hangout with someone, and still be relaxed and comfortable no matter the circumstance.
8. It'd be an understatement to say that you surely gave me a run for my money. The first day we met, we were trying to be hooked up, and the first second we saw each other, we both disagreed to it. Who would have thought that to this day we would have come so far? We were on and off, constantly, throughout 2008. I don't know how I ever put up with letting you back in just to watch you walk right back out. If I were to ever explain it all to someone, they'd tell me I was stupid for ever even considering liking you, but the thing that I don't think anyone will ever understand is the way I understood you. You came and you left, but you always left a mark that I held in the back of my mind. And when you finally had feelings for me in December, I couldn't help but give everything I had because I finally had you back, and I wanted you to stay. That was the best month of the year for me. I wanted to spend so much time with you, and you sacrificed a lot for me, which meant so much. I hate that I can remember several nights with you to the miniscule fact, but I just do. I'll never forget the fact that you just got up and left me for someone else, like you said you'd never do. You may have never known it, but you're the reason I spent half the night of MORP crying my eyes out, which I wish I never even had to do. I can't believe it, but you constantly made me happy, you understood that good things take time, even if you don't think the same way now. But don't you ever think for a minute I'll forget when you told me I was worth waiting for, and the promise that you made me. You taught me what it was like to smile for no apparent reason, just because; You taught me that it was alright to want to give someone every last bit of me, whether it breaks my heart or not, which it sadly did.
9. You were such a creepster the first time we started talking! I never would have expected how much hell you would have put me through to this day, but you surely made me question myself a lot more, and if it weren't for that I would have never learned half the things I know now. Every guy I got involved with before you, I liked so much, but always doubted. And I don't know why, but I seemed to have doubted you more than most people. You definitely, definitely had a way with words. And looking back, I think that the fact that you told me your raw emotions time and time again just scared me. I always get scared, I'm always a coward when it comes to this, and whenever you and I fought, you never let me forget that. You and I were so incredibly alike, and because of that, you seemed to always know what to say to make things alright, which you always did. But, that also meant that whenever we did fight you knew how to break me down, and you always did that too. I'm sorry that I made one of the biggest mistakes by walking away, but I've constantly told you that, and no matter how many times I've tried, you seem to always want to hold it against me. You and I have gone through phases of liking each other so much, being annoyed as hell by each other SO MUCH, and hating each other because of everything we went through. Getting facts straight, I will honestly tell you that I did like you. I liked you, and I was scared, but I liked you. I was horrible at showing it, and you can tell me all you want about me never making effort, but I tried. You taught me how to fight for what I believe in, for myself and my morals; You taught me how to have standards in learning what I deserve.
10. And when I thought I was hopeless in finding anybody ever, I found you. One thing I like is that you've always been here for me, but in all that time I was too blind to notice what an absolutely amazing person you were. Now that you're the first boy I've been in a relationship with, and still are, I can't help but feel incredibly lucky to have finally got it right. Almost 2 months going strong now, and I can honestly say with no doubt in my mind that I love you. For the first time, I don't have weary doubts, nor do I feel the need to back out of this relationship at all whatsoever. The feelings I have for you, I can honestly say I've never had for anyone else before. I've opened up to you in various ways and I've shared moments with you that I couldn't ever share with anyone else. You're my boyfriend, and my best friend. I hope you'll always be a part of my life because I knowww I couldn't make it through without you. I love absolutely everything about you, and you genuinely make me happier than ever. You taught me to finally follow my heart and just take the leap; You've taught me how to fall in love all over again even when I thought it was hopeless. Nothing I ever do could come close to repaying you for all you've done for me.
I feel as if in general, each boys helped prepare me for the relationship I'm in now. The past is the past, but my past is surely one that could never go ignored. It's nice taking moments looking back on what I've done; it helps me better understand the person I am now. Without all of these sweet and selfish boys, how different would I be today?
1. Oh wow. When I liked you, it was the first time I'd ever experienced having raw emotion for a boy, and I sure never expected it to be you. It all happened, ironically, because I was helping you with your relationship with someone else. To this day, knowing how incredibly different the paths we both ended up choosing were, I understand now why you never thought we should have dated, even though you claimed you liked me so much. But, just because I understand doesn't make it right. I can't tell you how much it disappointed me that you had honest feelings for me, but wouldn't date me because we ran in two different circles. Looking back it probably appeared that you just played me out, but you taught me not to throw a perfectly good relationship away just for the sake of reputation.
2. I cannot even believe how cliche everything was for us back then. I remember you were the weirdest kid in my grade, and no one ever really liked you. Oh, and how you liked me so much, even if it was, mostly, for all the wrong reasons. I actually strangely found myself somewhat attracted to you too. Oh wow, though, on the last day of 5th grade, a letter I had wrote for you telling you how I felt accidentally got into your hands, and it went downhill from there. You ended up finding my address, and coming to my house every single day that summer. I guess being so young and naive was the reason I lost feelings for you soon after 5th grade was over. These days, you haven't changed much, except for the fact that you're low respect for any girl has surprisingly increased. However, you taught me how to find respect in myself, and not to be afraid to use it.
3. Whatever we almost had, seems really vague and unclear to me. It didn't last too long, but that doesn't mean I didn't like you. It still makes me laugh to this day how awkward the conversation we had was, when you attempted to ask me to the very first school dance. It's even funnier due to the fact that I still feel bad for how it all went down. I guess looking back, it was almost as if it was a little stepping stone, but thank you for making that effort. You taught me that I didn't have to fall head over heels for someone, to still feel nervous around them beyond belief.
4. You were quite the character. It was all a coincidence that you and I would even talk, and I remember very well that you tried using me at the dance to get with some of my friends. By the end of the night, they all LOVED you (which was completely unexpected), and you ended up asking one of my best friends out, even though that whole deal didn't last long. You were my best friend then, dude. We had too much in common, and when everyone else liked you, I would never admit it because I felt like it wasn't worth it. As strange as it seems, I later found out you liked me just as much as I liked you then, and that whole time we spent talking, or laughing, we never had the guts to tell each other. I guess after a while I forced myself to move on, and it was only then that I found out. I'm sorry nothing ever happened, but you meant a lot to me, and at the time, you just got me. You taught me how to be honest about my feelings, because I might later regret it, for the possibilities in life are endless.
5. Ohhhh boy. You were the very first boy I'd ever had "something" with for so long. I had known you for too, too long, but never even imagined how much of a sweetheart you could be. As I recall, what we had lasted about 8 months, and it was something that I'll never forget to this day. I was completely, and insanely head over heels for you. I guess I was horrible at showing it, and at the time, I was terrified of commitment, but, you understood. You waited and waited, because you knew, and you truly cared about me, not just being with me. I remember all of those times you tried flattering me, or when we went ice skating and all I did was fall on my ass over and over again. You really lifted me up for those 8 months. You were my best friend, and you always made sure that our friendship came before our so-called relationship. I know things ended up horrible, I said things I didn't mean, and you said things I still hope you didn't mean, but I'm really glad that today we're at peace. You meant a lot to me, and I'm glad that everything is okay. You taught me how a real relationship should be, and how amazing it feels to care about someone so much, because I loved every minute of it, I hope you know.
6. I never ever would have thought I'd come across a boy like you so quickly. It was the first day of summer, and the weeks that followed it were consumed with you, you, and you. Whether it was concerts, walking to your house, chilling in front of Albertson's, getting kicked out of the mall; you had me hooked, and you constantly made me smile without even trying. Something a lot of people don't know is that you asked me out that day on the phone, but said it didn't count until the next time I saw you, because you thought it wasn't right to ask over the phone. I just took it so seriously because I knew either way you wanted to be with me. That was probably one of the happiest weeks of my life, ask anyone. Even though I didn't see you, I thought about you constantly. Now, it killed me to find that 1 week later you broke it off, and it killed me even more that it was over text. But, what killed me the most was that it was because you never got over someone else, and I was just put in the place to get ripped to pieces. As sad as it sounds, I didn't even see you since the day before we "went out" until sometime recently this year. But, I think it was really nice of you to randomly send me messages apologizing for your poor choices. You taught me not to be afraid to say yes to a relationship for the first time, but to never rush into new things like this until I was entirely ready, which neither of us were.
7. Ahaha, all I really need to say is one word; church camp. I remember you, and I remember the week we shared just hanging out. The first thing you said to me the first night we were there during a scavenger hunt at night time was "hey, do you think i'm hot?" hahaha you we're a sweetheart. I'm sorry still for that whole huge miscommunication with that one backstabbing friend I thought I had at camp, and I'm glad we've talked a little bit since camp. Still haven't seen you since, it's been at least a year and a half now. I hope you're doing good. It'd be nice to see you again, I miss hanging out with you. You definitely made my week one to remember, from you falling on your ass at the skatepark, to you just wanting to hangout with me for no reason at all. You taught me that it's alright to hangout with someone, and still be relaxed and comfortable no matter the circumstance.
8. It'd be an understatement to say that you surely gave me a run for my money. The first day we met, we were trying to be hooked up, and the first second we saw each other, we both disagreed to it. Who would have thought that to this day we would have come so far? We were on and off, constantly, throughout 2008. I don't know how I ever put up with letting you back in just to watch you walk right back out. If I were to ever explain it all to someone, they'd tell me I was stupid for ever even considering liking you, but the thing that I don't think anyone will ever understand is the way I understood you. You came and you left, but you always left a mark that I held in the back of my mind. And when you finally had feelings for me in December, I couldn't help but give everything I had because I finally had you back, and I wanted you to stay. That was the best month of the year for me. I wanted to spend so much time with you, and you sacrificed a lot for me, which meant so much. I hate that I can remember several nights with you to the miniscule fact, but I just do. I'll never forget the fact that you just got up and left me for someone else, like you said you'd never do. You may have never known it, but you're the reason I spent half the night of MORP crying my eyes out, which I wish I never even had to do. I can't believe it, but you constantly made me happy, you understood that good things take time, even if you don't think the same way now. But don't you ever think for a minute I'll forget when you told me I was worth waiting for, and the promise that you made me. You taught me what it was like to smile for no apparent reason, just because; You taught me that it was alright to want to give someone every last bit of me, whether it breaks my heart or not, which it sadly did.
9. You were such a creepster the first time we started talking! I never would have expected how much hell you would have put me through to this day, but you surely made me question myself a lot more, and if it weren't for that I would have never learned half the things I know now. Every guy I got involved with before you, I liked so much, but always doubted. And I don't know why, but I seemed to have doubted you more than most people. You definitely, definitely had a way with words. And looking back, I think that the fact that you told me your raw emotions time and time again just scared me. I always get scared, I'm always a coward when it comes to this, and whenever you and I fought, you never let me forget that. You and I were so incredibly alike, and because of that, you seemed to always know what to say to make things alright, which you always did. But, that also meant that whenever we did fight you knew how to break me down, and you always did that too. I'm sorry that I made one of the biggest mistakes by walking away, but I've constantly told you that, and no matter how many times I've tried, you seem to always want to hold it against me. You and I have gone through phases of liking each other so much, being annoyed as hell by each other SO MUCH, and hating each other because of everything we went through. Getting facts straight, I will honestly tell you that I did like you. I liked you, and I was scared, but I liked you. I was horrible at showing it, and you can tell me all you want about me never making effort, but I tried. You taught me how to fight for what I believe in, for myself and my morals; You taught me how to have standards in learning what I deserve.
10. And when I thought I was hopeless in finding anybody ever, I found you. One thing I like is that you've always been here for me, but in all that time I was too blind to notice what an absolutely amazing person you were. Now that you're the first boy I've been in a relationship with, and still are, I can't help but feel incredibly lucky to have finally got it right. Almost 2 months going strong now, and I can honestly say with no doubt in my mind that I love you. For the first time, I don't have weary doubts, nor do I feel the need to back out of this relationship at all whatsoever. The feelings I have for you, I can honestly say I've never had for anyone else before. I've opened up to you in various ways and I've shared moments with you that I couldn't ever share with anyone else. You're my boyfriend, and my best friend. I hope you'll always be a part of my life because I knowww I couldn't make it through without you. I love absolutely everything about you, and you genuinely make me happier than ever. You taught me to finally follow my heart and just take the leap; You've taught me how to fall in love all over again even when I thought it was hopeless. Nothing I ever do could come close to repaying you for all you've done for me.
I feel as if in general, each boys helped prepare me for the relationship I'm in now. The past is the past, but my past is surely one that could never go ignored. It's nice taking moments looking back on what I've done; it helps me better understand the person I am now. Without all of these sweet and selfish boys, how different would I be today?
10/9/09
Hoping and Praying.
It's not every morning you wake up to news that makes you want to cringe in your very self. The kind of news that makes you wonder how one human being could ever contain so much... selfishness and downright sick behavior and actually have the nerve to put someone else's safety in danger because of it.
I don't want to say too much, but I know for a fact I will never just sit back and let my best friend be thrown into danger without helping in any way humanly possible. This is... serious. Something you'd always expect to happen to "someone else" until the day it happens to someone you care for, and have tried protecting for all of these years.
I don't know all the details yet. Nor do I know if every things gonna blow over anytime soon. But until I do, odds are I'll be worrying and freaking myself out a little bit. No, a lot a bit. Nothing has happened yet, thank the lord.
My biggest regret is not being able to detect this sooner, when I knew I should have.
Lesson learned: Never underestimate your gut feeling.
But if there ever, EVER comes a day where i meet this sorry excuse for a kid or man or whatever the hell he is, I know I'll have finally met the first person I don't even know, but thoroughly hate with every fiber of my being for genuinely harming my best friend. Things like that could never possibly be forgiven. I have a newfound disrespect ENTIRELYYYY for liars.
But, for now, I'll just be hoping. Hoping and praying that everything will be okay, and that things will be okay soon.
I don't want to say too much, but I know for a fact I will never just sit back and let my best friend be thrown into danger without helping in any way humanly possible. This is... serious. Something you'd always expect to happen to "someone else" until the day it happens to someone you care for, and have tried protecting for all of these years.
I don't know all the details yet. Nor do I know if every things gonna blow over anytime soon. But until I do, odds are I'll be worrying and freaking myself out a little bit. No, a lot a bit. Nothing has happened yet, thank the lord.
My biggest regret is not being able to detect this sooner, when I knew I should have.
Lesson learned: Never underestimate your gut feeling.
But if there ever, EVER comes a day where i meet this sorry excuse for a kid or man or whatever the hell he is, I know I'll have finally met the first person I don't even know, but thoroughly hate with every fiber of my being for genuinely harming my best friend. Things like that could never possibly be forgiven. I have a newfound disrespect ENTIRELYYYY for liars.
But, for now, I'll just be hoping. Hoping and praying that everything will be okay, and that things will be okay soon.
10/3/09
Happy October!
Oh, how my mood is as wonderful as the weather! I love October. Even if Arizona doesn't necessarily have leaves to change colors and fall, and even if it doesn't get as chilly here as it does almost everywhere else, I adore fall :)
I've been listening to the rhythm and sound of some amazing music today :)
It's finally break, and I'm finally able to relax. The majority of my time may be consumed in time at home, but that's alright. I'm gonna try get out as much as I can. I'm back on my feet and I'm not gonna let the little things get me upset again.
Patching up the little worries, and living. Whew.
I've been listening to the rhythm and sound of some amazing music today :)
It's finally break, and I'm finally able to relax. The majority of my time may be consumed in time at home, but that's alright. I'm gonna try get out as much as I can. I'm back on my feet and I'm not gonna let the little things get me upset again.
Patching up the little worries, and living. Whew.
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