I'm going insane!
so if for some miraculous reason you two are reading this, please take the following to heart:
Dear You,
"there are certain people you just keep coming back to..."
and you are surely one of them. what i keep finding myself oblivious to is the fact that you are not taking me for what i'm worth. you're only picking and choosing what you want from me, and god knows that's one of the worst things you can do. if you truly care about me, you wouldn't be doing this, but for some strange reason i'm hoping you're being this way because you feel the same way i do; you just can't let go. and if that's true, you have to understand that not a day goes by that i don't replay moments in my mind and imagine how things could be if they weren't as effed up as they are now. not a day goes by where i don't wonder if you decide to pursue one of the many girls who go gaga over you every single day. i know i was never good enough to keep you around, but i never imagined you would slap me in the face with that by doing nothing at all. you're still perfect in my mind, and i can't seem to manage without you. the promises i made are still promised on my part, even if it won't be on your part. i just wish you would understand the hell i'm going through right now for you. if you only knew that i would go through it over and over again for you, and that you knew how much i can't stand life without you. sure, i'm 16. but i know a good thing when i see it. i love you. i will always love you. i hope one day you find yourself, and then you find your way back to me.
Dear (other) You,
if there's one thing i'm certain of, it's that i don't deserve your friendship, love, and consideration at all. you may feel guilty for leaving me, but i'm the one who should feel guilty right now. you're exactly what i've always imagined i would want; funny, sweet, adorable, compassionate, adventurous, interested in the things i am, comforting, genuine. so what on earth is holding me back? you're all of that and more. if i didn't feel so limited, things would be so different. i forgive you for everything you could have possibly done, and i almost feel as if i owe everything to you. you give me a sense of security that i can't replace, and i'd be even more of a mess without you. i like being around you. the feeling in get when i'm with you, and we're out doing things makes me happy. you just simply make me happy. i could go on for hours on all of the things you do that keep me going, but words could never do you justice. the more you amaze me, the harder it is for me to continue on the way i am. i'm sorry for all of the things i put you through. and i wish things were easier, i really do. you deserve the world. i'll love you for as long as i live, and you know that.