but sometimes, they do. i knew coming to this 'summer journalism institute' program was going to benefit me in my future, and so far, i know it will. but i also knew that it was going to put me in a continuous stream of awkward moments from start to finish, at a length of two jam packed weeks. and indeed it has. you know how you go off into a camp or a club, or somewhere new, and you don't have anyone you already knew before to latch on to? yeah, and then you find someone relatively nice at the surface, and without spoken words or confirmation, you trade the idea that 'okay, for the rest of this camp/trip/program, you and i will latch on to each other when there's anything concerning partners, groups, or teams.' and even though you guys may act like the best of friends during certain moments, the fact of the matter is, you both just naturally, certainly don't have the best intentions for one another, and odds are you just won't talk after the programs over. yeahhh, welcome to my wonderful first 2 weeks of summer!
don't get me wrong, some of the kids here seem super cool. maybe it's just me who can't be the social butterfly i mistook myself for. but part of me believes some of these people aren't truly worth getting to know. the dorms are beautiful. downtown phoenix is.. well, downtown phoenix, yet the people are way consumed in journalism. i know that shouldn't have come as a surprise to me, but left and right, i hear all of these stories of people who are editor-in-chief, of a 5a school (whatever that means), knowing they've wanted to pursue this career since diaper years. me, on the other hand, get to brag about my low quality newspaper staff with an advisor who played upperclassman favorites, with a mindset of pursuing journalism for, what, 3 years now maybe? while they discuss their priority in the journalistic world, i tried informing people of the life i have that i'm sure they must have lost in the process of going crazy.
there have been plenty of times, unfortunately, where i was on the brink of tears i wanted to go home so bad. after the 2 hour lectures, and computer programs after another, the days just felt more like weeks. and the scariest thought that crawled into my mind a few times was the idea that maybe journalism just... wasn't my field. i mean gosh, i know i was meant to write, but was i meant to report? was i meant to merely inform and leave it at that? i didn't get that original sense of fulfillment i so desperately longed for.
so, due to my lack of social skills with my colleagues who have clearly already set out their cliques and close friends, i've spent far too many nights in the dorm room by myself. my roommate, originally a girl i assumed would label me as snobby, weird, or stupid, is usually out during the times when i'm in, so yeah, it's been quite lonely. but i'd rather be disregarded for what i'm really all about, than artificially accepted for skin i'm not comfortable in. so it's okay.
the nights here, i'm not gonna lie, have been pretty amazing. there are two groups; digital media (which is what i'm in) and broadcast. basically, the two are separated in different schedules the entire day, with the exception of meals and the time after 7pm. broadcast girls are extreme sweethearts, but i have a feeling the kindness is only a protocol, and that if honesty was the only policy, i would just be disregarded. which is okay, i guess, i never like being somewhere where i'm not wanted.
but through this process, i would especially like to thank aaron, josh, and alyssa for coming down to tempe to see me yesterday. the program allows us to do insanely cool stuff at night like go to tempe, or first friday (which was today), watch movies, play wii, hangout, all that jazz. and they came to see me and remind me why i miss chandler SO freakin' bad.
the assignments we do here aren't bad. i was called for assignment editor, and according to the professor i didn't do too bad :) the stories i'm working on are going to be ballin, and as for hands on working, i don't mind the projects, they're actually just fun to me. well, for the most part.
honestly, i still don't think this program is worth missing my finals. yeah! to top it all off i have my english, math, and chem final to come home to!
for now, i apologize for my endless complaints and seemingly whiny personality. i just want to go home. but i don't think clicking my heels is gonna do that for me, hah, all it's gonna do is remind everyone why they thought i was such a fruit in the first place.