...it goes on."
-robert frost.
if there's one thing i know (which i don't know if i even know, cause i know i don't know much), it's that a quote has never been more truer than true can be, as this one is.
patience is key, yet patience seems to be the one thing that almost nobody has. from personal experience, after waiting on just about everything in my life (to learn how to drive, for the school year to end, on my mom when she's driving too slow, on boys), i know for a fact that patience is something i'll NEVER have... but something i'll always, always appreciate.
you see, after waiting on so much... it's kind of like, it makes everything that you finally get, sorta.. worth it in the end.
which is something i honestly find interesting.
okay sooo.. pretty much everyone and their mother knows about all of the relationship troubles i went through a few months ago, partially due to my overbearing emotions at school or at home, as well as through other sources (which i might add, was never my intent AT ALL). and i'm gonna be straight up with you, i was a mess. a complete, utter, ugly, psycho, depressed... mess. but, only because i honestly felt like there was never gonna be an outlet i could find exactly like the one i had; like the one i worked for soo long to get.
and what scared me the most? the fact that i could work so long for something... and it could be gone in an instant, regardless.
which is true, i suppose. but not fair one bit!
i didn't want to let things go. even when i was little, all i ever did was save EVERYTHING in case i'd need it later on, or in case i'd endlessly regret throwing it away. and i guess i carried on some of those unnecessary traits, except now, it's not a funny gum wrapper or an old stuffed animal lodged in the corner of my closet... it's the feelings i had before going on the verge of a broken heart, and the people in my life i would literally beg not to go.
most of my friends told me, "time heals everything."
and you know what i said in return?
"shut up."
i didn't believe it, solely because i didn't WANT to. if i were to believe in the fact that time heals everything, that would ultimately mean that i would believe in the fact that a simple amount of time could make me fall out of love with someone, learn to live my life without something, and i didn't want to believe that was ever even possible.
you know what i say to those friends now?
"thank you."
i realized that time heals most, but not all. time healed the ever-present weight on my heart, the grueling hours i'd lie awake knowing he was sleeping perfectly well, the embarrassment, the unnecessary lack of appetite, the lock on my heart, the.. everything. however, i wasn't giving up the memories, i was just giving up the things i didn't deserve. by letting them bother me, it was keeping me alive, but not letting me live.
sometimes, life gets in the way. and while the desiree from 3 months ago may refuse to take that "excuse," the desiree right now finds it perfectly fitting.
i mean, hey, if it weren't for things like that in my life...
i wouldn't be in the place i'm in now, which i've found has become quite interesting and fulfilling.
especially because of one result :)
and so now, i can finally say, i'm happy. not because i've found my life to be perfect, but because i've found sheer beauty in every single imperfect thing about it.
and as for patience? it's a work in progress, but i'm getting there.
sort of.