i wanted to be a singer. my grandpa always got these crazy thoughts in my head of singing in front of crowds, and sharing my voice with the world. i used to talk, and i'd always get overlooked or i'd go unheard. i used to sing, and eyes would turn my way, even just for a moment in time to glance, or even for a while, to watch. and what more does a young, 9-year-old girl want than attention and consideration? nothing. it was my outlet, and my dream. as years progressed, and birthdays passed, i got older, which more times than none means i got wiser. at the age of 13, my grandfather passed away; the only man who had ever heard me when i talked, and when i sang; the one soul that made me believe anything was possible. and so as he passed, so did my dream of singing. i learned that my voice was just a voice, and that there were much more important things to worry about, like my family, any the reality of continuing on with life regardless.
so singing, in my life, took a backseat. i guess growing up does that to you.
ohh what a concept: growing up.
while i was young, i believed in a lot of things. i believed i could do a lot of things, say a lot of things, wear a lot of things, try a lot of things, and be a lot of things. however, i thought my world wouldn't even truly begin until i grew up. but what age specifies growing up? is it 13, because that's when you reach the 'teens?' is it 16, because that's when you can drive? is it 18 because that's when you become legal? is it 21 because that's the age when you can start drinking? i kind of think growing up comes more with experience than it does age. once you learn that you can't truly believe in everything you once believed in, you hit the brutal mark between reality, and everything else. and that's what i define growing up as, in a sense. "the moment where you realize you can't truly believe in everything you once believed in," because it's true.
the hardest part of growing up, is change. change in its many forms, doesn't come any more bitter sweet than change in the people around you. the best thing that can potentially ever happen to you, is having just the right person stumble into your life at just the right time. the worst thing that can potentially ever happen to you, is having just the right person stumble out of your life at just the wrong time. sadly, you get your fair share of both.
after sitting back and watching some of the most incredible group of boys i've ever met, painfully anticipate the departure of their life long best friend for his mission to berlin, germany for 2 years, i realized something: while the world around you may change, as long as you have the people in your life that choose to stay with you, and choose to learn everything about you but love you anyways... well, then growing up may not be so bad. having to move around my entire life, i haven't had a friend in my life longer than 6 years, while these guys have been tight-knit for more than 10. things happen for a reason, i know of this. and growing old with your best friends, nay, your brothers, such as these guys have, is a gift they've been given, that i would kill to have had throughout my life. i admire them for what struggles they've faced, the memories they've shared, and the lessons they've learned that they grace me with each and every day. i know it's truly extremely painful watching your friends move on to college, or on to their missions, or growing old and, like said before, realizing that they can't always believe in everything they once believed in... but these boys proved me wrong. you can believe in the old things, and you can keep on believing anything is possible, even when the rest of the world tries to convince you otherwise. they've shared the most incredible memories over the years, and it's a beautiful thing to see that even in a time of pain and fear, they find happiness and hope in what they've all been through, together. if any of you are reading this right now, i hope you know how proud of you i am; how much i look up to each and every one of you, and how much i want you to know i'll be there for you on that cold morning at the airport, and on the fateful day the few walk away for college, and for the remaining struggles you have to face. i'm not much, but i hope i'm enough. i have faith in you all, because i know that the world isn't strong enough to break that bond, and neither is growing up. you guys have given me hope all over again, and you've given me something to believe in again that i thought i never could.
while we're young, we can't wait to grow up. while we're older, we would give anything to go back. and there are certain people in this world who remind you why growing up should come naturally; it's inevitable, and all we can do is handle it to the best of our abilities. so, with that in mind, as i grow older and subconsciously let go of certain things i once believed in, i wont let go of it all. i'll grow up still believing that the past will eternally remain the best of times.