...to not feel the way I'm feeling. I was such a stereotype of a girl; one who wants the love of a lifetime that every girl dreams of, but would do anything to avoid getting her heart broken. But doesn't everyone finally know that's just not possible? You need people in your life to break your heart, so you'll appreciate the one's who wouldn't all the more. You need total assholes to make you want standards, jerks to raise your self-respect, and liars to let you know how much honesty means to you. If you've ever suspected that any person in your life may have been a 'waste of time,' think again. Every person who's come and gone in my life has done something drastic enough for me to never even come close to forgetting them. And that's okay. Personally, I think it's because I'm a very sentimental girl, but I'd rather care too much than not enough.
I've finally realized what it's like to feel happy again. I'm happy because I'm not trying to worry about what could or might happen. I'm living, and I'll have you know, it's phenomenal. I was once a girl waiting and waiting, never completely thinking that the boys who had come in my life, and who had genuinely cared for me were just right for me. Of course they're not, the whole idea of love is that it's far from perfect, and thats what MAKES it perfect. If only I could go back, knowing what I know now. But would that have made a difference? See, that's one thing I wont know. However, I'm only fifteen now, (almost sixteen!) and I know I have so much more to learn.
I'm not ready to feel like I need to sift through people in my life anymore. I'm ready to love, unconditionally, when I want to. If things go wrong, then at least I enjoyed the times when they were alright. I'm ready to say those words and do those things with no remorse, because I know I mean them. Love is love, but I know I've got a lot of it.