Dear Grandpa Darrell;
It's almost been two full, life-changing years since you passed away. Things are definitely not the same at all anymore. Being in North Dakota is wonderful, but it's never been the same without you. I'm so glad you're not in pain anymore, and I know now that your heart was far too big, and wonderful to even withstand in just a human body. Every time I see an eagle, I think of you. I know you're looking out for me, and I know you're proud of everything I've done. I wish you were here to patch up the heart wrenching holes in our family these days. I really do. I wish you were here to listen to how much progress I've done with my singing, since I've added guitar, and I now write songs. I really miss you, you know. I never realized how many things remind me of you. I really wish I got more recent pictures with you. I'm sure if I find some recent ones, I'll keep them with me, and make sure they're somewhere I can find them to look back on.
Grandma's got a new house, and it's just beautiful. She's been such a strong, influential woman in my life. I award you for picking a good one (the second time around ;D), because she's done so much for me, and means so much to me. Her and I talk all the time about how hard it is getting through the days without you. I remember the times when you would hand out 50 cent pieces to little kids in church when you could tell they wanted to be anywhere else. Also, the times when you would do anything to buy the craziest things for me, or my brother, or even my mom and dad. I loved visiting you and Grandma in Mesa. All of your jokes still occasionally shine through my dad, and my brother every once in a while, and I think of you. I remember one of your favorite restaurants was Keegan's Grill; we don't really like that place at all too much, but it meant the world to me when we went there on your birthday last year. It's coming up pretty soon! September 2nd. I can't believe you were born all the way back in 1938. You would have been 71 this year; can you believe it? I'm glad that you're always able to look down on me now, even though I can't hear you, nor hold you anymore.
The one thing that keeps my mother, Grandma, and me hanging on, is the fact that we all know we're gonna see you again someday. I visited your grave yesterday. Me and Grandma put an angel by your stone as well, because it seemed like it'd fit right, on account that the porcelain angel symbolized the fact that you're our guardian angel. You know, there could be millions of other tombstones (which there probably were!), and I could distinguish yours almost instantly. I love the bible verse that's engraved in the stone, very much so. "But those who hope in the lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles." (Isaiah 40:31). Times have been rough, Grandpa. People in our family have been falling apart, and I never realized you were the only thing holding them together. A lot of them are making bad choices, and it's hard deciding what to do without your genuine input. I still really can't get myself to believe you're gone, and I honestly think it's because I know you're not. I always imagined you'd be around for me, when I graduate, or at my wedding, or even taking me to the casino for my first tim, and constantly being the only person who could tell me they're proud of me a million times, and I'll actually believe them every time.
I've learned a lot from you, even when you weren't trying to teach me anything. I hope you know that you've been a huge influence on my life, and that I love you more than I'll ever love anybody else in my lifetime. Most people come across a remarkable person, once or twice in their lifetime, if they're lucky. And I must be the luckiest girl in the world to have had the pleasure of knowing an even more remarkable man like you my entire life. I'll always remember all of the memories that lie in that old house Grandma sold last fall. I grew up there, I spent countless Thanksgivings, Christmas', and weekends there, with you. I can't believe I was so oblivious to how happy I was. But, I'm happy now knowing that things happen for a reason, and that you're a miracle in human form. I'm sure when you're not watching over me, Grandma, my mom, or anyone else, that you're in the casino up there, hitting on the angelic waitresses while gambling your heart out. I just hope you know how much I've missed you. I love you, Grandpa Darrell.
Love always,
Desiree Varsha Srinivas.
PS. I wish crying helped ease the pain. You mean the world to me, Grandpa. Nothing's ever felt just right since November 16th, 2007; that cold fall day that you left. If there were a stronger word than love, I'm sure it wouldn't come close to applying in this situation. Thank you for being the main reason I'm where I am today. I love you.