Finally, a "label" to describe exactly who I am, what I strive for, and what means a lot to me. All in two words, sixteen letters, five syllables. I am a hopeless romantic, and as sad as it is, I have always been one. All thanks to cute unrealistic romance movies, along with realistic, absolutely amazing forms of relationships I've been caught up in with boys. But with the cute, and seemingly perfect view of romance, comes the ugly, honest view as well. This involves, the never-ending heartbreak, and unforgettable loneliness that can literally drive a person mad. It's not exactly fair what's been thrown at me over the years, but I honestly can't complain, since I'm the one who's so bluntly obsessed with these ideas and aspects of "love" itself.
I don't like when people assume that I know nothing about relationships just because I haven't been in one. I can tell you right now that I've probably learned more about relationships, without being in one, than a girl who's dated every boy in school. I've basically been "involved" with guys that a girl could only dream about, since I guess I've learned to be smart at picking them out. My only weakness? Keeping up. I used to be afraid of committing myself to someone, no matter how much I knew I wanted it. I was scared, and I doubted myself as well as people around me. And I can tell you right now that doing so has made me lose some of the greatest boys I think I could have ever come across. But as much as many of these problems were my fault, not all of them were my fault. For example, I can tell you off of the top of my head several instances where I put everything I had out there to a boy, and was left for something or someone else, even though I did absolutely nothing wrong. Whenever anyone asks me what I want in a relationship, I'm surprised at how corny, yet completely honest my answers are. I truly want a long relationship, because I am not even close to being strong enough to only keep up those artificial 2 week "flings." I want a boy who can be like my best friend, someone who doesn't worry about impressing me, and someone I can be comfortable around. A total sweetheart, who isn't afraid to just hold my hand at every possible chance. Who can joke around with me and understand my humor. Someone who'll do those little cute things that girls love like, sending cute morning texts, or letting a girl know at random times in the day that they want to see them, "just because." A boy who's willing to forget about my past, forget about the hectic world, and just hold me sometimes. But do you want to know the saddest part of all of this? I had it, and I lost it. I come closer and closer to finally reaching this level of happiness, but something always seems to go wrong. And I'm still trying to convince myself that it's not my fault.
I miss a lot of things about being involved in that way with a boy, when now all I feel is alone, and used to being a third wheel constantly. I miss feeling good enough to write all of these happy songs about them, when now all I can do is write about the same old depressing facts. I miss it when I had you, and how I never realized how much I loved what you did until you weren't around to do it anymore. But it doesn't matter at this point, I'm assuming, no matter how much I could ever write or explain. I put my heart out more than I think anyone ever should, and even though I'm nearly positive you're already gone, I still hope that you're willing to figure out your way back someday.
I'm Desiree Varsha Srinivas, and I am a pathetic, lonesome, brutally honest, hopeless romantic.