home would end up where I don't belong.
I'm having a semi-good, semi-bad day.
I've been thinking about a few weird things in the past couple of hours, and it's.. hard to explain.
So, I move a lot. In my fifteen years, I've lived in California, Taiwan, Oregon, Connecticut, North Dakota(ish), and then here in Arizona.
Besides Oregon, Arizona is the place that I've lived the longest.
Five and a half years here, and part of me feels like this is where I truly belong,
then the other part of me feels like I need a new, clean slate, because this town isn't doing enough for me anymore.
When any scenario of me moving anytime soon came into conversation, I didn't know what to feel, to be honest.
My life is in Arizona, I know for a fact that's true no matter where I go. My heart is in North Dakota, but it's always been that way. But... at this point, I don't know where I'm headed just yet.
I have a life here. I have important people here, I have memorable places here, and above all, I have unforgettable memories here.
But something about this place feels... empty. And that's not the greatest feeling.
I've been waiting for months, and months for something to come around and change my perspective, but I don't know if waiting is gonna do me any good anymore. I know that one of these days I'm gonna be weak, and just give up, but one of my biggest fears is thinking about how I'll be without you, or without this.
I'm scared beyond all reason, but not for the reason most people probably think.
I guess I'm not used to being in one place, in one state, in one city, in one town, and in one house for so long.
Time flies by, doesn't it?
I just don't know what to think about it at all anymore.
I'm speechless.